Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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