cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
