She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
