I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
