I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
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You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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