Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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