She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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