the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
