please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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