these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
