i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
