my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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