I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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