In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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