I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
