If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
