I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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