She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
