I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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