love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
