Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
