i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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