Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
