i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
