The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
