Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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