My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
