Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
