i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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