you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
