mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
