im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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