when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
this hospital has no fireball
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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