I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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