Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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