Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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