Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
