I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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