Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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