She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
