I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
