In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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