I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I didn't notice because vodka
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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