Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
