I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
