he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
