Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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