It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
