The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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