Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
