I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize