Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
