so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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