Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
