wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
