she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
