just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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