this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
