i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
