Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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