I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the liver wants what the liver wants
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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