did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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