I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
