I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
