I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
