Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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