I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
